Tips for my future wife/girlfriend VII ? > Candiman

In an effort to further streamline my existence I have been deleting people from my various social networks and MSN this last week.

Some of them were girls that I had hoped to date or had had sexual encounters with, but for whatever reason things didn't work out. Moving to another continent or country doesn't help relationships blossom I discovered.

I will not name names but I will list some of the experiences I had and why I personally decided these people were simply not compatible with my existence. I may have touched on some of these ideas with my other TIPS posts but bear with me.

The way to a mans heart is not through an insult generator.

1 girl who I briefly dated last year while pretty much fluent in English simply didn't talk while we were together. I thought it was an English thing so I switched to Japanese but she was equally unwilling to talk to me in her native tongue. No talking = poor communication. I talk to myself every day. I do not want or need an audience. I spend time with people to share ideas and experiences. Lets share ok?

Ok sure it takes time to warm up to people and I thought she would warm up as well but when she did finally start talking she had nothing positive to say.
Including about me. On the one had she professed her love to me and said how important I was and wanted to be with me. She even left little notes in my mailbox with my favorite chocolate. But then would say things to me like I am not good at kissing (I am happy to say that a greater number of women have said the opposite.) and that I am an unemotional robot among other pleasantries. Why would you willingly date someone who has such serious flaws? I also on several occasions tried to make plans with her to do things that didn't involve me touching her magic pocket which apparently I don't do in the way she likes. Several times I asked her to go for dinner or shopping which were all denied. I asked her if she wanted to go to the movies with me.
She also refused. I can only speak for myself. However if the girl I like is asking me to do something with her I will say yes unless its something I REALLY do not want to do like have cigarettes put out on my face or needles put through my wiener. But if that is the case I would then suggest an alternative or compromise. However she said she didn't want to spend money on a movie. Being a part time gentleman I would have paid anyway. But basically what that says is spending time with me (which is the point isn't it?) is worth less than 1800¥.

My thinking is often turning to such simple ways of thinking:

? > Candiman

In that girls case about $18 > Candiman. So in the end I got tired of suggesting things to do over the course of more than 2 months.
She said that she wanted to see me and loved me and was infatuated with me etc. But not enough to do anything about it. I then told her to make a plan. I asked her to decide what she wanted to do and when and I would adjust my schedule around that.
It never happened.



If you WANT to date me shouldn't you be saying stuff about how much you want to be with me and making an effort to do so instead of saying basically: "I want to be with you however I am not sure why because you suck in a lot of ways and, oh, by the way I am not willing to make any effort to actually see you."

Another girl I deleted today is sort of similar except we never actually met.
We met on facebook which is obviously the best place to meet strangers.
Hey I have some candy in my pocket.

We chatted back and forth and all seemed flirty and nice and we shared interests etc so we decided it would be nice to meet in real life.
What will come of it? Friendship? Dating? Love? Marriage? Language exchange? WHO KNOWS! and that is the exciting part. You never really know and what will it cost? $5 for an overpriced juice and a couple hours I probably would have been wanking away anyway (quite possibly literally). I am more than willing to give it a shot. Best case scenario we fall madly in love and have puppies. Worst case scenario you end up cutting your self in the bathroom.
However, please correct me if I am wrong but in 3 months anyone who is not a convict should be able to find an hour to meet. I am willing to go TO YOU.
You don't even need to take a train. I'll even pay for your insane $6 mochifrappydoublelattecaramelledexpressdecafinatedfairtradebrowndrip.
But once again that seems like too much to ask of some people. We made a lot of maybe plans and spend a long time talking. But on 3 or 4 days we made tentative plans only for her to not commit at the last minute and then conveniently not respond until the next day when it was too late to actually meet with what ever excuse.

I pretty much have a 3 strikes rule. I am really patient but when it comes to the limit its just done. So I had given up and told her so and that I was going to delete her from facebook because obviously we were not going to get anyway despite her words of desiring to do so. Proof is in the mochifrappydoublelattecaramelledexpressdecafinatedfairtradebrowndrip.
However she asked me not to and said that she really wanted to meet me and blah blah blah. Ok fine when are you free. Rinse and repeat the same bullshit as before. So I give up again and was not even going to tell her. But this time she must have smelled it because she emails me asking for a last chance.
It should never come to a last chance. Thats proof enough in itself. But whatever I have nothing to loose at this point and I am skeptical enough that I am basically sure nothing is going to happen anyway so sure, here is your last chance. When are you free?
She tells me and I choose a time that she said was suitable. She then emails me and said she is going to be busy that time after all and offers no alternative.

But this is the best part and where the tip of that ramble comes into play.
This is the digital age. The age of twitter and the age of status updates.
Especially in Japan where people do all of this online goodness on our cellphones and almost all communication is done via cellphone email.
I do not have to stalk you. I do not have to stalk you. It's not even really fair. But all I have to do is look at MY page MY wall MY profile to see you posting shit about your life. You are sharing with me everything I need to know without having to ask or put in any effort to see the truth.
It was the same with my last GF. She said she didn't have time to respond to my 1 email that day. But she had time to post shit online about lunch and how she was sleepy on the train. Same with this last girl.

If I email your cell a question like, "So are we actually going to meet tomorrow like you said and at what time?"

And I then see that 2 hours after I emailed you that you had time to post about "blah blah being so cute and the awesomest ever" VIA YOUR CELLPHONE. Do not turn around and tell me that you were busy and didn't have time to answer me from before dinner yesterday to until after dinner today.

bullshit trivia > Candiman

Now I know I know that is not what you mean. I am being totally unrealistic, you were just sharing your life with your friends and having fun or whatever.
Thats great. But you still chose to do that over talking to me about something you said you felt was important. Actions unfortunately speak louder than words. I am also pretty sure that you were just nervous. Scared to meet a zombie clown. Fair enough! But say so. Its too much to ask I know. Communication is hard. But if you can't tell me the truth then I am left to my guesses and from where I sit pretty much everything is > Candiman.
Which if true is also totally fine and acceptable. However I won't waste any more of my time waiting around and wondering.
I have plenty of other things to fill my with cup than just air.

When looking for a potential mate I make mental notes of these things.
How do you treat your friends?
How smooth do things go before we date?
How well can we communicate?
How respectful are you of other peoples feelings?

Do you treat people how you yourself hope to be treated?